For as long as I can recall, I've had a goal, ... or two, ... or three. Goals which, against all the odds ( cause it was one hell of an uphill battle in my humble opinion), have actually been achieved.
So the question now is ... why does it feel as though the "project" is done , finished en klaar, (and that it's time for a new one) ??
I'm gatvol, my one-and-only ten-year plan, is beyond it's expiry date, and all the boxes are ticked off. A new plan, with lots of new, empty boxes seems to be in order. (What the heck was I thinking anyway - that it all came to a grinding halt at the ripe old age of thirty something?). Where was my foresight, my vision? The broader view must've been a blur on the horizon, but I wasn't looking. No ... I was too busy mutating. Mutating into one of those not-so-normal-medical-type of creatures. What total rubbish.
Seems I've spent what feels like a lifetime aiming for this exact spot, focused, but with no vision. Plus I've got the hang of the job, and I actually like it too, so why the restlessness? Anyone see the sense in my midlife crisis yet?? If so, for the good of humanity, kindly share.
The next ten-year plan is nowhere near conception ... damn ... and I feel like retiring ...(ha ha ha ha ha!!!).
So, once again .... where to from here? Around the world in eighty days perhaps? Oops, probably not an option if I retire. Or the botox/personal trainer/morning coffee route that's so IN these days? Yip ... what you express derision for always turns around to bite you in the ass later. All those chicks must know something that I don't - they sure as hell look a damn sight better than me, which is just slightly concerning as the big four O slowly creeps closer. And I'll bet they learnt it while I was so busy not paying attention to the more mundane matters. No wait, maybe a kept woman, (aka full-time mom which happens to be bloody hard work), and proudly so?
A combination of all of the above? Who says we can't have it all anyway?
Seriously, is it time to bow out gracefully?
And isn't it awesome how much kak I am able to conjure up so early in the morning?
Now that it's all off my chest, let's see if this day can progress ... in a more positive & constructive way of course. Like going to work.
Man ... I'm actually posting this... (cringe) ... honestly ... have I no pride? ...